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[Public] - Finally On Track

Aug. 23rd, 2005 | 03:40 am
mood: anxiousanxious

I am finally headed in the right direction after wasting so much time on Telos and Ando.

Thol has given me the last pieces of information I required to close in on Senator Organa's exact location.

I did have to work for it, but what else could be expected from a trader or an official?

I only have to await Master Kenobi's arrival before Senator Organa can be rescued.

FILTERED to Jedi Only

I know that I should not have been surprized that Grievous is responsible for Bail's capture and my lengthy search. Even so, I was, and I can only hope that no further obstacles will stand between myself and my goal to bring the remaining sane voice back to the Senate.

End FILTERED

Aayla

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[Filtered: Obi-Wan, Anakin, Qui-Gon, and Mace] - Identity

Aug. 1st, 2005 | 11:31 am
mood: angryangry
music: "Blow It Away" by Adema

There are times when I question the path I follow. I never expected the life of a Jedi to be easy, nor filled only with pleasure. Those expectations never occurred to me, but I had hoped to retain a certain amount of dignity.

Master Vos saved me from a life that would have given my would-be masters leave to humiliate and degrade my very being. It would have given them leave to share and exploit me, simply because they could. But, that was not the fate chosen for me by the Force.

I was spared that life, only to face traders and bureaucrats, like Officer Gopo. I went in to speak with him about allowing Thol his plants, and he made several comments about my ability to live a celibate life. He outright called me "delusional" for believing that one can live without sex. Not only was this area of my life none of his business, but it had absolutely nothing to do with the reason I was there.

He has asked that I lie to his wife about the nature of our relationship. I have seen this official only once, and yet I am to tell this woman that I am his mistress. He stressed the importance of me being convincing in the role.

I cannot go to anyone else with these concerns; for I would be told to meditate on them, and all would work itself out. But in the case, that is not enough.

This treatment by males is not new to me, but that does not change the fact that I feel dirty and used afterward. It is as though I must still accept the life of a slave, though that is not who I am not. It seems almost pointless to adhere to the Code, when traders and officials expect me to discord my clothing any time I wish to meet with them.

It is disheartening to meet with male after male after male, who all bear this attitude. Even many of the women only see what their male counterparts have told them about the Twi'lek females.

I wish that someone would see me as the Jedi that I am, and not the play thing they believe I must be.

I have only this pretense of being a mistress standing between myself and the end of this Force-forsaken mission. *sighs heavily* I will do as he asks.

Aayla

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[Public] - Continued Thol Visit and Short-Distance Future Planning

Jul. 25th, 2005 | 10:21 am
mood: cheerfulcheerful
music: "My brother's blaring music" Blech!

I might be a good Jedi, but maybe I am not the best person. Thol sounded as though he was pleading when he asked that I visit him as friends for once, rather than always as trader and Jedi. He might have been serious, or it could have been one of Thol's old tricks.

I am mentally going between the two motives, but I already know where his intentions lie. Though he wishes to retain a certain appearance, even in front of me, there was truth in the request. I do not wish to lead him to believe that our relationship could go any further, but I do not wish to see him hurt.

I suppose that it is just as well, because giving him hope of more would only make things worse. Thol is a resilient man, I am certain that he will recover from this quickly. I only wonder what this shall do to our friendship.

I have a report to make to Master Windu soon, and I have my end of the agreement to carry out. I must find a way to get the officials here on Ando to let Thol enjoy his plants in his personal quarters. Despite them being nasty buggers that burn your skin with their secretions when they grab you.

*sighs* I will most likely be able to reason with them, but I'd like to stay away from those plants as much as possible.

I am also overdue for a chat with Master Kenobi. I will more than likely be speaking with him within the next day or two, so I am not worried about connecting with him. I will need his assistance on this mission. The scale of the Separatists' efforts are what have me concerned. I suppose that it is too much to hope that they will simply give him up without a fight.

Aayla

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[Private] - As Thol Onate's Guest

Jul. 22nd, 2005 | 10:44 am
mood: anxiousanxious

I am currently sitting in my guest bedroom offered to me by Thol. He appears to be a guest here as well, but those with pull can have nearly anything they desire.

He has been the same Thol as always; but, I made certain to remind him what happened to the last man he sent to crawl into bed with me. I do not believe that I shall have to be concerned with throwing anyone off of me tonight.

He offered me a drink, as is the custom, but I was not eager to accept it. I only allowed the brandy to touch my lips to show that I accepted the gesture. One attempted drugging is enough for me. It brings back too many memories of spices and Pol.

Some would question my continued contact with Thol, but he is of great value. Though he is a trader and looks out for himself, he is willing to offer the Republic reliable lends. Because of him, we can now cut off a supply route that the Separatists had been using.

Although I know he wants more, he should know by now that I have dedicated myself to living as a Jedi. If the Code is to be broken for anyone, I don't think that it would be for him. Kit, on the other hand, would not require such hesitation.

Besides, how would it look for a Jedi to degrade themself in such a manner for information that could be acquired by some other means?

I suppose that I should get ready now, I have a meeting with him soon.

Aayla

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[Public] - Visit to Thol Onate // [Private] - Anakin To Come. . .?

Jul. 19th, 2005 | 04:07 am
mood: contemplativecontemplative
music: Twi'lek childhood song

I am on my way to pay another visit to Thol Onate in hopes of gaining new direction. I thought about simply returning his ship to him, but I will probably still need to make use of it.

Of course, he will want something in return for this new lead; so, I will have to see what I can do about it when he makes his request. He is fond of exotic toys and past times, but his trade requests have varied from visit-to-visit.

Naturally, what I needed in the past has always set the level of return that Thol expects. I don't know what he will require for another lead on the Viceroy, but he only wanted me to teach him a childhood Twi'lek song for the last one.

His requests have never gone so far that I felt the need to free him of his limbs using my lightsaber, but one never knows with men or traders. *chuckles*

I do recall a time that he asked me dance for a few guests that he happened to be entertaining. I suppose that this was not so much to ask, seeing as it turned out that I was pursuing those same men at the time. But that is another story for another entry.

Begin PRIVATE

Anakin contacted me via holophone and let me know that he is no longer using the name, "Darth Vader."

Though I was happy to learn this pleasant news, I cannot help but feel that this is not the last time we will witness Anakin's dark side. He is far too passionate and too unpredictable for him to remain in a calm state for long.

He does have his children to temper him at the present moment, and I am quite enthusiastic about the tiny miracles. I know that should his children be taken from him, he will return to the direction that he was heading in. He has admitted as much to me in that last holocall.

I care deeply for Anakin, as any friend would for someone they have shared part of their life with. We've fought along side one another, and lived through some of the same difficulties. All the same, the nature of our friendship has shifted. I can feel it even now. Where once my feelings and thoughts of him were smooth and unwavering, they have been thrown about and leave only softly-packed rubble behind.

I would love more than anything to be wrong about Anakin's future, but I know beyond any means of imagination that I am not. Perhaps I will survive this future I am certain is to come, and perhaps I will not. Either way, I will still have the memories of the too-old Padawan that I greeted not so long ago on Coruscant.

End PRIVATE

Aayla

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[Public] - Discovery

Jul. 14th, 2005 | 11:49 pm
mood: sadsad

I am still here on Tilnes, but have just been warned by Master Kenobi to evacuate it immediately. I do not know if something is set to happen to this moon or it inhabitants, but I will do as he has bade me.

I originally planned to speak with the patrons of the Tilnesian taverns to secure a meeting with one of the Elders, but I was surprized with a holocall from Anakin before I could truly set to work. Or at least I received that call from someone who used to be known as "Anakin." We went on to chat about my spotting him on the Holonet and other general matters.

I was wholly enjoying the exchange, until I made my way back out into the tunnel outside of The Gullet for a little privacy. The tunnels, and even some of the caves, are hazardous due to their possibility of collapse. It is both lucky and unfortunate that a blocked passageway was not the danger I found lurking in this particular tunnel. As I turned a corner, while I chatted away with Anakin, I spotted Separatist droids carrying storage units. I figured, if the droids were here, so were their masters. That could have meant Senator Organa was here as well.

I swore in what I label both an un-lady-like and un-Jedi-like manner, and I am little ashamed to have used such speech in front of Anakin. I suppose that I could have said or done worse, but still. I needed to speak with an Elder, but there lay opportunity before me.

I was hoping to use this discovery to conclude my search for Senator Organa, since, I thought I might have found something important. I regret the fact that I will have to leave without knowing for certain.

*sighs heavily*

The warning from Obi-Wan was his second contact with me today. I got the chance to speak with him not too long before the warning. He told me about the now soulfully-deceased Anakin Skywalker. Someone named "Darth Vader" has apparently taken over his body. In the sense that Anakin has given in to his darker nature. It saddens me beyond words that he is now no longer with the Order; but, maybe this is what needs to happen. As much I cared for Anakin, Code be forgotten for this, I knew that he always wanted more. It was there in his heart and his eyes whenever I would speak to him.

It was in the way he would have a sharper edge about him than anyone else after an excruciatingly gruesome battle. It was in the way that he'd growled in anger a few too many times at the Council members. It was all in the way that he kept secret relationships that were causing harm for all of the parties directly involved, and some that were not. This something that has consumed Anakin was there all along, and I, like everyone else, hoped that he would prevail over his baser instincts. That he would embrace the life of a Jedi. Maybe we were wrong to trust him. Well, not all of use were wrong. Master Windu knew better. Perhaps he should have heeded his wizened advice, since he has never lead us astray.

Even so, I cannot help the hurt I felt upon discovering this new truth. I cannot help the attachment I still experience when I think of the Padawan I once thought I knew. I might have work to focus me now; but, when there is nothing left to distract me, I know that the tears will come then.

Aayla

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[Public] - Finding Organa / [Private] - Finding My Sister

Jun. 23rd, 2005 | 04:17 am
mood: aggravatedaggravated

I have spoken with Master Kenobi, and he seemed well when I last heard from him. We have planned to catch up next to our favorite fountain once we both return to the Temple at the same time. That conversation was more than a week ago, and part of me senses that all is not well with him and his apprentice now.

I would seek a means of communication with either of them if I could, but they have been sent on a diplomatic mission to Telos, and I have begun the search for Bail Organa. It may be some time before I am able to speak with them directly.

No one knows exactly where Bail is, but I am following the information I obtained through a past connection I still retain with a trader I met in passing to help narrow the search. It would be easier to ask for specific system information if I knew the Separatist group that took the Viceroy.

All I have to go on are the holorecordings from the Senate building, the mostly unhelpful accounts of the last people and medical droids that saw Bail, the trader's input, and pure instinct. I sincerely hope that this will be enough to speed the Viceroy's safe return.

Though I am certain this mission will not end without a struggle or some sort of negotiation, I am relying on the trader's record for securing accurate information and sources. If this system turns up nothing, I will confer with him once more before moving on to other resources. Hopefully, I shall not need to sift too deeply to locate the group responsible for Organa's disappearance.

Begin PRIVATE

While seeking answers from the trader contact, Thol Onate, I was told of rumors brought to him by another trader I knew - by name only - as the one who initially purchased my first eldest sister, Nanya. I nearly asked Thol to stop there and repeat the name so that I could be certain he had the right person, but I let him go on.

I did my best to keep my face neutral, but my mind begin to vibrate with anger and my mouth was suddenly dry. I wanted him to tell me where I could find this man, and perhaps my sister as well. I know that those beings who are unlucky enough to be acquired as property often change hands more times than most can count, but there was still a chance that I could pick up the trail beginning with him.

I wanted to show him that owning another person is barbaric, and that there should be repercussions for daring to do so. I begrudgingly let that thought settle as Thol continued on about the Cularin System's mysterious new activities. After all, slavery was more than simply legal on Ryloth, it was an accepted way of their backwards lives.

Maybe if the planet actually spun on its axis, the people could rely on an economy that did not focus on illegal spices or creating sub-citizens out of its female population. I do not know if I shall ever see the day when this becomes reality, but I would like more than almost anything to see a female Twi'lek be viewed as something beyond the label of "status symbol."

End PRIVATE

Aayla

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[Prviate, with Public Note to Anakin] Pasts Simply Are, Worries, and The Jedi Code

Jun. 14th, 2005 | 11:35 pm
mood: cheerfulcheerful

Begin PRIVATE

I have spoken with Anakin on several occasions over the past few days through both of our journals. His responses and the entries I have read worry me greatly.

He has informed me that he has been drinking much more than anyone should, especially a Padawan learner. He has also told me that he plans to indulge in such activities in the near future again. I fear for his safety in this matter, as too much drink and not enough sense can leave one without the life they believed they were harmlessly enjoying.

I would normally consult Master Kenobi, but it seems the esteemed Master has been partaking in Anakin's unacceptable delights as well. I am not certain which of these facts, told to me by Anakin himself, worries me more. I know which the Council will be disapprove of more.

Obi-Wan is Anakin's Master, and properly preparing his Padawan for his trials and life as a Jedi Knight should be his main priority. It certainly should not be drinking with Anakin in a seedy bar somewhere! The Force only knows what else they were doing there. I would rather not think about it, personally.

I do not believe it my place to run straight to the Council and inform them of what I know, but they will find out eventually. What punishment or dreaded assignment will be dealt to me should they discover I knew of Anakin and Obi-Wan's activities? Will I be sent off to a winter-ravished planet as well?

Though I am not a stranger to harsh conditions within an environment I must live and work, I would not like to be forced back into one again due to another person's folly. Anakin and Obi-Wan know the Code as well as any Jedi and Padawan, and yet they insist upon breaking or bending it at every turn. It is as though some things apply only to the other Jedi. I am saddened to see that they are not the only Jedi who suffer from this belief. Many of the younger, and older, of our ranks scuttle into this thinking as well. I am ashamed to admit that I am occasionally among that group.

I have fallen into the habit of allowing my thoughts, and in small ways, my actions, to veer why they should not. Where they have no right to be. I can still hear the taunt disguised as a simple question by the Dark Lady in the back of my head every time that my eyes linger on Master Fisto a little longer than is necessary to "just say 'Hi'." She had only verbally asked if I saw Kit. . . Master Fisto as something more once. I had verbally said 'No', but my smile gave it all away. She has continued to ask that same question with her eyes each time that we cross paths, and I find myself never quite able to meet her stare when the challenge is issue yet again.

I can even feel the nag of my old master, Tholme, reciting the Jedi Code to me after I had been discovered pressed closely to another Padawan in a training room one afternoon years ago. Our lightsabers lay abandoned at either end of the room, unlit, unused, and utterly forgotten. We had other great weapons at our disposal for battle.

He'd always had a fierce mouth on him, and he would say the same of me. We were forever testing how lethal a tongue-lashing the other could dish out and withstand. I especially missed the secret huddles in little-used storage closets when he was often stationed away on missions, and Kit began to catch my eye.

*sigh*

End PRIVATE

Anakin, if you've come by to read this, I just wanted to say hi and for you to take care of yourself. :)

Aayla

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[Public] - Sadness

Jun. 10th, 2005 | 11:28 pm
mood: tiredtired

Because my past needs to be laid to rest, and my future as a Jedi needs to be nourished, I have decided to start logging my thoughts and feelings as a usable reference.

Though I have accepted the ways of a Jedi Knight, my Padawan love for Master Vos still remains with me. I could never forget anyone who would risk his life to save me, even if that same person later tried to dispose of me all for a little piece of coded plastic.

I tell myself that his mind was gone from the state we both once knew, and that he could one day come back to the embrace of the Light; but my justifications of his many questionable actions that often bordered on being downright maniacal, are the same empty untruths that any person who has loved and been forsaken tells themself.

Master Fisto tells me that I should let him go when he finds me peering off into the Coruscant sky between missions. He knows what becomes of my heart and mind when only silence surrounds me. I suppose that everyone does.

I guess that is why people began journals like these in the first place. To pour everything out, and hopefully, to one day let it all go.

Aayla

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